Tuesday, January 23, 2007 :]
I am SO jealous. Why does everyone around have to be so sweet when i juz haf a failed relationship? It really hurts me when i realise tt almost ALL of them are happily living together with one another presense! ARGH!!!
After all these while when i thought i have really put him down, put the past behind me and able to continue my own journey. Nv did i realise tt i'm actually lying to myself. On the way home today, i cried again. U can say i m not strong, i'm naive, i'm stupid or even i'm foolish.. But i cant help it. Listening to those songs he put in the mp4, seeing the pic which was taken during last valentine, i juz had this sour feeling from the bottom of my heart. and before i know, tears already form from the corner of my eyes and within seconds, i'm crying alr.
No point crying, i know. But when i heard those lyrics of the song it juz simply describe the 2 of us. tt's y i juz cry quietly along the way home.
谁还记得是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话是我们以后的伤口
过了太久没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手说要一起走到最后
我们都忘了这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的有一天有一天都会停的
让时间说真话虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后我们都不知道会不会有遗憾
谁还记得是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句是我们以后的伤口
过了太久没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手说要一起走到最后
我们都累了却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑怎么说怎么说都没有救
亲爱的为什么
也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人等对方先说找分开的理由
谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中看见了不同的天空
走的太远终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我要有两个相反的梦
谁还记得是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话是我们以后的伤口
过了太久没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手说要一起走到最后
我和你手牵手说要一起走到最后
;
3:58 PM
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Sunday, January 21, 2007 :]
This is freaking Crazy!!!! haha... ok.. here goes~ Was working on saturday, which is yesterday, and i was being bully by 2 China man.. damn them! but nvm.. because Mike will be treating me, Kim n Joni to supper in Newton^^
After supper, Alan came to fetch me.. Went to a pub in Boat Quay and he ordered 2 mugs of submarine n i was force to drink it all down!!! haha... No doubt, i'm still standing after 2 mug of it! i wasn;t drunk~.. Was getting kinda bored so we ask Kim to come n look for us.. And after some talk cock sing song play mahjong, we decided to leave tt place and head for some hot tea..
On the way, Alan drove @ a very fast speed and did quite a few sharp turning.. Luckily i'm sitting @ the front and i gt secure by the safety belt.. but Kim wasn't tt lucky.. she was being swing to the next seat! hahaha.. so funny apon seeing her reaction!
Saw a S13( a kind of car) and tt stupid fellow actually did a drift in front of us.. So lame.. After tt we went to ECP for some nice breeze and also listening to Alan's sound system. He have gt 4 amplifers in him car! sounded like a mini club in his car.. haha... Then @ around 5am in the morning, we decide to leave the place n fetch Kim home. After she is gone, Alan ask me to drive his car home!!! OMG! it was the bloody first time tt i actually drove a maunal car bcuz i only have lic for Auto car.. and it's a Subaru!!! well, i drove all the way from ECP to jurong.. and of cuz he taught me when n how to change gear.. The engine die off a few times @ the red light near my hse.. haha... Was kinda malu bcuz there's a few bus behind me.. Well, anyway, i reach home safe n sound and will drive his car again! hahaha....
;
4:08 PM
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Friday, January 19, 2007 :]
Today is the 5th day of our break up.. Time flies.. Everyone around me keeps telling me to be strong, time will heal everything. Thanks to u all n especially my parents for being so supportive n caring for the past few days. I'm glad tt i've gt such encouraging parent wif hugs n console every now and then.
Ppl have been telling me that i dun look as if i have juz broken up wif someone who has always been wif me for 2 years. Well, i'm all well concealed! who would cry all day long wif their face shagged n eyes gogging out?? i wan2 maintain my beauty too! Becuz afterall i'm still in my 20 =)
I still do cry myself to sleep. Sleepless night thinking. But what else can i do? Memories everywhere i go. Songs that brings back those fond memories with him. Places that we have been together. Path that we once walk hand in hand. And even photos of us and our friends. It's all gone n turn into memories.
I'm getting use to this feeling. Trying to keep myself busy everyday. Enjoy the dinner alone and try to live myself to the best everyday. Becuz i know, he no longer is the one accompanying me down the future road.
Msg to Benz:
Benz, i agree with wat u say and wat u think. Although i'm agreeing but that doesn't mean i dun love u anymre. Afterall u are the 1st guy who i spend such long time together. Watching fireworks together, walking from jurong east all the way back to my house, changing me from someone introvert to someone who dares to speak up. makes me fall in love with dogs. went to StarCruise together. Receive my first bouqeut of white roses from you. Teach me how to play mahjong. The very first guy who cooks noodle for me. And lots lots mre. Benz, i wont forget you and our past. Becuz they are always so special to me for being the first love which is hard to forget =) Dun worry abt me, time will surely heal the wound. Do stay in contact because i believe although we cant be couple but we can still b gd frens^^
Msg to Roomates:
Ladies and gentleman. i know it's hard for u guys to accept the fact that our Lao Ben is no longer wif me, wif us. And @ the moment it will be a hard time for me and you guys. Bcuz u all are my second family. my second home. And we once spend so much time together as 4 couples. but now it's left wif 3 1/2 couple. it's no longer whole. And i guess going out with you guys will make me feel worst. I hope u all can understand and Shan.. i dun think i dare to go for ur chalet. i am afraid tt i might break down instead of wishing u happy birthday. This episode will forever leaves in my mind. First love gone in the age of 21.. Leo, bet u gonna cut awy the clip u made. sorry for wasting your time. Fan and Ying i really admire the 2 of u to spend 5years together. and i hope u all will go on strongly. Shan n Ernest, be strong together.. i would nv wan2 see anyone of u be seperated becuz the feeling is unbearable and i wont wan anyone of u to get hurt.
Well.. as for me... time will heal~ hahaha.. for the time being will juz let my wound left open n get use to the stinging wind out there till i get use to it.
;
2:52 PM
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Monday, January 08, 2007 :]
Yesterday night n today was my worst night ever. The very first time of tasting the seperation of someone so close n dearly to u for nearly 2 years. i still misses him n i hope i can change for a better person n this time round he will accept me back wif full arms and hold me tightly and nv let me go.but all this sound so fairytale n imaginative. will it happen? will i really become a better person? i'm trying. but he's not.. bcuz i haf failed too many times.. tt's y he wanted to gif up alr.. This is the very last time i try. if it really doesn't work out, i will definitly let u go. u gt my words. and everyone reading my blog.=( i misses u badly
;
11:41 AM
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~ Juliana aka Wenzi aka liwen aka Lanelle
~ To Slim Down
~ My Family
Bubblejoy ShiJie
