Saturday, December 31, 2005 :]
i feel so vunerable n confuse.. i love him so much and yet i always receive this kind of shit.. call him numerous of time and he nv pick up.. worried tt he got involve in accident, i try to contact his fren tt he say he is going out wif.. but in the end, tt fren told me tt benz is not even wif him.. WTF??? i may sound full of vulgarity.. but actually, i am crying.. i dun know why.. i am juz so sad abt the whole thing.. i gave him alot of miss call n sms.. but none was replied.. and somemore his fren say tt kind of thing.. i really fell like dying..
i wan2 die.. but i dun haf tt much courage to do so.. i can tolerate anymore.. i may fall anytime.. i am so useless and helpless.. anyone?? pls save me.. i dun know wat to type.. words cant express wat i wan2 say n how i am feeling.. all i can say is, i am helpless n vunearble to anything near me.. i wan2 die!!
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2:48 AM
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Friday, December 30, 2005 :]
was talking on the fone wif lionel juz now.. was actually telling me the way he see my r/s wif ben and talking abt the problem he haf wif his ger.. there's this sentence which i feel tt it's meaningful and it do make some sense.. leo was saying tt, if his fren ask him along to do something bad like going to places which he is not suppose to go, he will go in order not to spoil the fun.. but definetly he wont tell his ger.. why mus he tell his ger tt to make her angry n sad and to spoilt the whole r/s.. so while talking, nicholas called.. was surprise cuz we seldom talk on fone for quite some time already..
opps.. he call regarding the Valentine prezzie.. hahaha~ he was suppose to gif it to me at the previous Valentine but i haf got no time to meet him.. and we drag until now den able to pass it to me.. LOL.. anyway, he say he will be reaching my hse in 10 mins time and ask me to get rdy.. well, i was at home n i din really "decorate" myself.. so i juz merely wore a spec, skirt n a t shirt.. tt's all~ haha.. shock to see him again cuz he din change much.. still the same old him.. haha~ and he past tt bear to me in a very shy way.. hahaha.. gt gf liao still shy for wat.. LOL.. anyway, thx for ur prezzie.. it's cute.. btw, din talk much cuz he juz park his car at the side of the carpark.. so talk for a while den good bye le..
recently alot of thing is going thru me n my baobei ann ann.. laopox.. u ok ma? dun whine too much, not good for our skin.. and sure i hope i can share ur sorrow together.. and as i haf said this b4, i am sure tt the problem u are going thru not definetly not as little as me.. mayb tt's the life of libran at this part of the time.. we'll get this over soon once n for all... den our tao hua will come soon.. haha.. bu yao tai shang xin le.. ming tian hui gen hao.. and i forsee tt when schs reopen, we'll be together like sticky tape.. hhaahaa.. miss u so much..
today's attachment was fine~ the starve nurse was good.. alot of oppunnities for me.. learn many things liek CVP, pigtail catether and many more.. and i even meet patient wif funny attitude like dementia and IMH patient.. they are so fun to be wif.. tml ward gt a party.. all are invited and mus reach by 11am.. well, i dun feel like going and i haf made up my mind in not going.. haha~ tml last day of attachment le.. so happy.. but sch starting soon.. sian.. the biggest headache is wat am i going to dress every day!!.. argh.. tt's the problem of not wearing uniform.. haa~
v
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12:28 AM
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Monday, December 26, 2005 :]
so fuck.. why is everyone asking me the same question?? so damn it!!!
Guyx: "Not going out wif your bf today?"
Me: "No.. he is slping....
Guyx: "Why he nv pei you on a holiday? u nv ask him out?"
Me: "Got ah, but he is tired from work ba~"
Fuck la.. i am tired of answering everyone's questions that is always the same.. so wat if he nv pei me? so wat if he is slping.. so wat if he is out wif his fren?? i am bored n sick of it.. i tell myself.. he is tired n he needs some rest.. so wat if i bother him n wake him up, he wont be happy going out wif me ba.. but instead of happy happy go out, he will show u a face ba.. so rather making everyone unhappy, might as well i juz rot at home..
Gers out there, do u like your bf to fetch another ger around w/o ur presence? i think non of u will like it ba.. (u can write ur comment in the tagbox) well, the same goes for me.. gers haf been asking him out n asking him to fetch them.. and when he realise tt i look into his pc msg or wat, he actually change his password n forbin me to go in again.. and this prove tt he dun trust me anymore.. but he nv know.. no ger will like their guy to fetch any ger out there ALONE!!! he nv understand how i feel.. and all he can tell me is tt, "So wat if i am fetching ger? wat matter most is i am wif u now and i only love u.." but.. sigh.. suan le ba.. it's his freedom, it's his car.. and i haf gt no RIGHT to interfer.. wo lei le.. zhen de hen lei le.. ann, lai pei pei wo ba~
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3:46 PM
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Wednesday, December 21, 2005 :]
woo.. i did 3 dressing today 1 MRSA, 1 simple dressing and one STO.. and i off 2 plugs and 2 catether today.. this ward is the busiest ward i ever been other den ward 64.. haha.. the staff nurse ask me to do alot of thing.. tt's good.. i rather be bz den be so free tt mus slack around to past time..
today one patient's relative came to me and take down my name.. i was so shock.. den she told me tt she is going to send a hamper to me for the care i gif to her daughter.. wah.. stunned!!! hhaahaa~ but i told her tt no need for tt cuz this is our job to care for patient..
went home and get change den get ready to go out le.. went to buy someone's present in jp den went to get someone's present in Bishan.. so tired.. travel here n there.. but i think it's worth it after all, bcuz afterall, they r my forever buddy!!
today make dear angry.. sigh.. gers shld not ask too much? ok.. from den on, i will nv ask things which i m not supose to know!
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10:01 PM
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Friday, December 16, 2005 :]
First.. i wil make up tml for mt attachy.. haha cuz it's the last day in paeds ward.. LOL.. today is a very good day.. alot of ppl come to the ward for caroling.. so nice.. and they bought alot of present for the kids there.. so kind of them.. and of cuz, there is Santa claus.. anyway, i am starting to fall in love wif christmas.
Anyway, i spend most of my time playing wif Jun Hao(a pt there).. lol.. i saw a very cute volunteer lo.. hahaha he is a japanese leh.. haha.. but i nv talk to him.. heex~ anyway i went to bath at ard 1945 cuz dear come n fetch me.. so i haf to bath earlier.. dun let him wait too long.. den, iryshad, idinaah and gia gia ask me to fetch them to jurong east, den i ask dear.. dear say ok.. so in the end, dear fetch them to the mrt lo..
After tt, we went to IMM.. go there haf dinner... after tt go n meet dear's fren in orchard.. we went to play pool.. haahaa.. they r very funny bunch of army guys.. LOL.. and dear oso v cute..
Today Liverpool is leading in the World Club Cup.. Peter Crouch score 2 goals n Steven Gerrad score 1 goals.. well done~
Anyway, lao po very happy during attachy cuz she gt alot of fren who looks loving together.. well done.. love u..
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2:39 AM
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Thursday, December 15, 2005 :]
erm.. today is not a bad day.. i actually spend it in a very good mood.. attachment today was fine.. not tt boring after all.. but quite tiring.. haha.. was on the way home wif iryshad n idhinna.. den there was this guy who approach me to donate for club rainbow.. it was like idihnna was juz in front of him he juz skip past her n come to me.. ok la, the guy was not bad looking lo.. but ask me to donate for club rainbow?? bu yao la... i poor leh.. so of cuz, i smile turn awy as friendly as possible.. but who knows, he run and stand infront of me, stopping my path and he ask for my number.. opps!!! of cuz shock la.. hhaa.. cuz i was wearing spec lo.. LOL~ anyway, i juz walk awy and juz leave him there.. sounds bad...
went to dear's hse after attachment.. he is slping.. as usual, den i was like fooling around in his hse.. hahaaa... den ard 8pm, he woke up.. i watch tv n he surf net until 10pm like tt.. we drove to Bukit Batok (my old hse) and haf supper.. haha.. super duper fat.. LOL.. anyway, i ate porridge only... while ah dear ate 2 bowls of rice!!! saw tt? 2 bowl of rice leh.. hahaha.. well.. after eating he fetch me home lo.. LOL.. so, i am here blogging and going to slp soon..
ann laopo, u wan diamond ah.. haha~ i tml go jewllery shop to steal for u.. i will stole the jewellry shop's paper bag.. hahahahaha... hao le la.. cannot be too materialistic.. mus zhen xi the things ard u.. ok??
juz receive a msg frm royston to ask me go see doc... haha.. roy, thx for ur concern.. but as for doc, i dun wish to see them yet~
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1:01 AM
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Monday, December 12, 2005 :]
few days ago.. dear gt his car and as expected.. we go rounding and go out and stuffs.. haha.. bought quite alot of stuff for his new baby.. when i gt the pic alr, i will post and show it to everyone.. LOL..
today attachy was boring.. anyway, i slept for only 2 hours the previous night becuz the rest of the time, i was being bothered by my cough.. it kept waking me up, and i cant slp at all.. sigh.. but i was tired for attachy.. LOL..
dear wasn't wif me today.. he went to malaysia wif frens... i cant go bcuz i gt attachment.. sad sad.. sigh.. nvm ba~! wait for him to come back soon!!~
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5:20 PM
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Friday, December 09, 2005 :]
erm.. not much things to talk abt today.. well juz tt went to haf my exam this morning.. thnk tt exam gone case le ba.. i study de almost all nv come out.. but some does~ haahaa.. hate tt stupid Ang Kuan Kuan.. and went to attachment after tt.. today alot of infant!! so cute!! carry them up n down.. feed them milk and stuffs..
wow.. tml going to get's dear car le!! i am going to follow him and the front seat will be mine!!! mine n mine!!! muahahaha.. den sunday will be shopping day wif my laopo!!! woohoo!! marina here we come~~~ so happy!!~ btw, this december dun sound to good to me.. looks like so many ppl is stalking on me!! hahah~ scary!~
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11:34 PM
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Wednesday, December 07, 2005 :]
feel very emotional today.. eyes were swollen and my face is pale.. john thought tt i am very sick.. and i was sweating even thou i am in air-con room.. sigh.. i am not happy today.. i am sad today.. i think i still cant get over wat happen previously... i always thought tt i am someone who can simply forget things easily.. but i dun know why, i juz cant be happy today.. i keep thinking abt him once in a while.. although i ask myself not to, but in the end i still did..
wake up in the morning.. the first thing i did was to see whether did he sms me not.. but he din, so i convince myself tt he mus be bz apon reaching camp, tt's why cant able to sms me.. i waited and waited.. keep telling myself tt he is still working.. anyway, i gave him a call in the end.. he din pick up.. so most probably he is slping or working.. haha..
he call me ard 5.33pm.. juz nice when i was having my break.. but i nv pick up, bcuz i din notice it.. so in the end i sms him back.. well, he is tired.. so i nv meet him today.. feeling so sick.. kept coughing non stop.. sigh...
anyway, someone compliment me today saying i am pretty.. hahaha.. thx for his compliment, i really appreciated it.. he oso ask for my number, but was too bz, so i juz ignore him.. in the end, i went home w/o letting him know.. hahaha.. lucky me..
so tired.. think i will study for a while den go slp le.. i think he slp le ba.. cuz no call or sms frm him at all.. sigh..
If you really love me, i think u can change for the better bcuz of me.. You say u r unable to let me cry on, support on and let me confine in.. den why cant u bcuz of me, try to except it and try to be tt way? u always say tt u know u r not a good boyfriend.. den why cant u try and be a better bf rather den juz saying u cant be one? action speaks more den word.. I think u can.. bcuz i haf did it all bcuz of LOVE... if u haf love, i believe u can do it too.. unless, u haf no love at all!
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8:47 PM
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i finally realise and confirm tt i haf found myself other good fren.. good buddy and hao lao po.. when i am sad.. when i am down.. when i am angry.. i haf gt no one to turn to.. no one to confess wif.. no one to discuss wat shld i do.. but i found ann.. she is the one i can turn to.. and really knows me well.. i am glad tt finally there's someone i can turn to when i haf problem.. i dun haf to cry alone, dun haf to be alone and someone to support when i am down.. thank you ann.. thx for ur support!! and btw, if u need me, i will be there for u.. really! zhen de.. no matter wat boundaries is there.. i will sure oversome them to help u de.. frenz forever! love u!!
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1:31 AM
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Tuesday, December 06, 2005 :]
??? why i cant get to my blog??? laopo.. can u see this blog?? i cant!!!
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9:36 AM
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Sunday, December 04, 2005 :]
went to facial wif mummy juz now.. excited u know cuz i haf nv went to this kind of thing b4.. i agree of going bcuz recently i keep working in banquet and the oil in the kitchen all those is v back for my face.. so went for a wash ba.. when i was there.. i chose a package tt include massage, eyebrow trimming and of cuz facial treatment tt comes wif strawberry soft cold mask!! hahaha.. when she was like inspecting my face, she tell me tt it's hard to haf such good skin at my age.. she say tt my skin is those bai li tou hong and the mao kong.. den to this point, i think of ann lao po and nicole.. i was thinking tt the beautician say my face say till like this if she sees laopo's face, wont she be like shouting" oh my god.. u are gorgeous!!" hahaha.. anyway, tt beautician tell me tt my eyebrow was trimmed wrongly previously! damn it! i do my eyebrow in orchard far east plaza de.. tt shop is a scam!! kaoz.. i will nv go back to tt shop again and wonder how's hannah le cuz she did it wif me!! btw, Ann.. i dun know how to explain in words.. tell u in person again!!
so when she put tt cold mask on my face i was like so relax and i fall aslp.. opps!! hhaaa.. den she did some massage one my chest n hand.. wow.. so shiok!!! i am afraid tt i was get hooked on this facial treatment thingy~ haahaa
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8:37 PM
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argh... today actually gtr work de.. but i sprain my leg ytd while talking on the fone wif dear.. i din see the khup there and juz fall down le.. sad!!! so today leg slight pain and dun wan2 go to work cuz tml oso gt attachment.. dun wan2 tired myself.. sian...
ann laopo wan2 know wat happen on my anniversary.. well... nothing special anyway it's only the 8 month.. juz tt the 8th month is slightly better den the rest of the month.. i juz basically went to his hse and slp.. cuz he previously is work night shift.. so he quite tired too.. LOL.. so afterall.. this 8th month is spend slping and play mahjong in his fren hse.. LOL..
omg!!!! i tot i am suppose to go surgicval den paed.. but now is vice versa.. somemore i am in NUH.. not SGH.. my addmission number is 041275p and there's another one in my class is 042517p.. so similar.. nearly cuz me to go SGH.. luckily i check ah!! phew~
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1:18 PM
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Saturday, December 03, 2005 :]
Sigh.. everytime play mahjong at his hse sure gt bu yu kuai one.. sigh./. juz now ask him let me play a round, den i dun know go and see other ppl's card, he immediately say me infront of his frens.. i dun know wat.. must he disgrace me like this in front of his frens? cant he say it quietly or let me know later? he haf disgrace me 2 times in front of his fren liao.. i am not realyl tt egoistict but i really hate this kind of situation.. so fuck up!!! i am damn freaking piss right now!!!
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3:05 AM
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Friday, December 02, 2005 :]
Juz back frm work.. quite tired.. but i intend to blog b4 i go to slp.. today work in Sheraton.. not bad.. cuz sis n shi qi working wif me.. LOL.. haf quite a fun day there.. but during the wedding of the couple, while they are showing the couple pictures and how they met, they journey and everything.. i felt a tinge of sadness within me.. wanted to cry.. tears is filling on my eye.. i dun know why, but i juz feel sad and wanted to cry.. i can be sure tt that is not bcuz i am happy for the couple but......... i oso dun know why.. sigh....sigh.. gonna work on friday, saturday and sunday.. wont be seeing dear at all cuz monday is the start of attachment liao.... unless i go to his hse later on.. (anyway, now is 3.15am 2/12/2005).. i was still struggling on whether wan2 go find him not.. if i go, he will be slping.. if i dun go, he will be slping too.. so no difference at all.. on one hand, i wanted to see him, i misses him badly.. but on the other hand, i am afraid tt i will bother his slping time n tt will lead to anger cuz recently his temper not v good.. small small thing not happy liao.. i ask him things which is not suppose to be rude de, but he answer back as thou i said something wrong.. sigh...let nature take it course ba.. anyway, i am glad to haf known him le.. glad to haf him as my bf.. happy to haf good frens like ann, amber and nicole.. but recently v close wif ann, my lao po, and i am always looking forward to every outing wif her!! hahaha~ hope it will be a good day for me everyday!!!
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3:14 AM
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~ Juliana aka Wenzi aka liwen aka Lanelle
~ To Slim Down
~ My Family
Bubblejoy ShiJie
