Tuesday, July 13, 2010 :]
Yes... They invited me to Sentosa tml. I was excited abt it and say Yes! w/o a 2nd thought. But as i was doing my work, the image of wat happen in Genting runs thru my mind again. This time round, it wont be in Genting. It will be the same group of ppl in Sentosa. Shld i go? Or shld i juz learn my lesson and forgo this trip. I tried sms-ing Grace, telling her that not to leave me alone for tml. Well, of cuz for someone who don't really know what happen, i'm able to anticipate her reply. And true enuff, she was puzzled as in y would i say that since she has alr invited me to the outing later on. Well, i do not know where to start and how to go abt it and so, the 3 famous alphabets is being used again.. NVM i said to her. Well, she might sense something amiss or maybe she will think that i'm being over sensitive again. Anyway, i'm not emo-ing but was just afraid to get hurt again! It's no fun being left out when everyone is having a great time. And so, i made up my mind... Real fast huh. haha.. well, i shall go for it since i wont be doing much @ home either. And if, ''tt''n thing ever happen? i'll juz leave.. This is Singapore.. Not Genting anymore! yea.. so.... We shall see..
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12:41 AM
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Thursday, July 01, 2010 :]
Back from the Genting trip.. Lost quite a sum of money there, but it's worthwhile cuz i learn new stuffs. But this is the worst trip ever. i felt totally left out. I hardly can merge into the group. i miss bear, i miss my sec sch frens there. i hate to be alone and yet i was being sucked into it. How does it feels when ur walking back to the hotel room alone when everyone has a company. How does it feels to stay in the hotel room alone when ur frens come back in pairs telling u that '' he is afraid of letting me walk back alone. so he came back with me'' oh well, i just walked back myself alone! How does it feels when everyone is luffing away having fun and u r all alone in the other room playing ur own game. It's not as if i did not try to blend in, but it juz dun work out. And @ the end, it will be me, sitting in the room, playing my game or sitting @ the back of the coach reading my book n totally out of their circle. i'm tired trying. i'm juz not as fun n popular or intellectually enuff for them. I never want this kind of trip anymore... Never..
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6:29 PM
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Monday, January 11, 2010 :]
It's not a sad day to begin with. But i have been thinking about the friends that i have. Friends that i cherish. Recently, alot of things happen with dramatic changes. Friends that are suppose to be close with no longer are. Friends that are suppose to be associate with no longer exist. The pain u feel when you saw ppl asking ur friends where is the other frens when in the past, ur name will always be mention. But it no longer does now. People don't see us as a grp together anymore. People don't associate us together anymore. How much pain will u experience? I've never expect myself to cry but it's really unbearable seeing ur close friends who don't appear like who u know anymore. So, is it me? or is it them.
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4:40 PM
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Sunday, December 20, 2009 :]
有个密秘。
放在心里。
说不出口。
永远埋着。
没人知道。
没人发现。
到此为至。
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8:58 AM
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Monday, December 14, 2009 :]
The date today is 14/12/2009. 10 more agony days to meet my love. Amazingly, 4 days pass with a blink and i believe 10 more days is nothing to me! Spoken to him for the past few days, he's down with a cough, cough after every few words make my heart ache. I know i'm nto suppose to make him sound as thou he is very weak, but he looks weak to everyone afterall wat -_-
Bad news, he is being transfer to another bunk and he have to start all over again in making friends. He even mention that the carboard is opening by itself at night, so scary! Although he is in the army already, but he is still as naggy as ever. Keeps nagging at me to eat, to drink and even to use ear piece while driving, But i don't really talk while driving.... Well, all this nagging reminds me of what he said before he was enlisted. He said" When i'm enlisted, no one help u to pack bag, no one help to remind u to bring your house key/carkey/handphone, no one help to wake you up from sleep, no one help to scratch your back, no one help accompany you while you are driving alone @ night, no one no one no one......." It actually make me tear apon hearing all this, even till now, the 4th day the moment i think abt what he says i will still have this sour feeling in my stomach that slowly turns to flu in my nose and then tears starts to flow down. I really miss you =(
Surprise for him when he come back =) It may not be a big one, but i hope he will like it. I know he is sleeping now, so i'm heading to bed too so we can each meet in the dream! Love you bear =) *cant wait to touch tt 'botak' head (*(oo)*)
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4:21 AM
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Friday, December 11, 2009 :]
Today is the day he left my side, left singapore to become a man. haha.. He was enlisted. I manage to rush to SAF ferry terminal after quarreling wif my ward manager who purposely wants me to be late for the appointment. Well, i guess she do not know the feeling of feeling in love.
Zooming thru AYE, ECP i pray hard to myself that i can reach on time so that i wont miss the last chance to see him, if not i have to wait till 2 weeks later which to all, it may not seem long. but to me, it sounds like eternity. Called him on the way, knows that he have just boarded the shuttle bus towards the terminal, i manage to be calmer n slow down my speed.
Waited @ the entrace of the ferry terminal, every parent is smiling while standing beside them is their son going off to protect singapore. Anxious faces everywhere, and of course lots of army personnel. I felt stupid standing there waiting for my man and his mum. After a few buses, i finally see him. He was with this Adiddas top which is from his 21st birthday and jeans but the most funny part is, he tuck them in! He looks hilarious but amazingly serious at the same time. Smile when he saw me, pass him the stuffs that he might need in camp, greeted his mum, aunty and walk towards the gantry.
His mum is very socialable. She can simply speaks to anyone and i mean strangers. The best thing is, she is not even a tiny wee bit of anxious that his only son is going into NS. Taking pictures everywhere, shouting out loud and making other people's baby cry. Hahaha.. what an interesting mum he has.
Got on to Penguin, the ferry that ferry us to Tekong, manage to sleep for awhile. While sleeping, i can feel that a pair of big hands is holding on to my hand tightly with fingers interlocked. I can feel the warmth and the love from him strongly and i'm really unwilling to let it go, moments later...
Arriving @ Tekong. Avery windy place with sea surrounding it. We were seperated from there. His mum, aunty and i were brought to a bus for a short tour around the camp, telling us what will the enlistee gets later and also show us their bunk, matteress, cupboard, game room and also their canteen. After this we went to the auditorium for a short talk with the Principle there. Clips shown, national anthem sang, oath said by the enlistee. I can see my love from my view as he is in the same row as me but we were seperated by people and stairways. There he is standing straight, replying with strength and looking real serious. Now, i really miss his smile.. Those innocent smiles.. So near, yet so far.
After the talk we were to meet us with him for a lunch break in their canteen, giving us chance to taste the food that he will be having in future. It's quite nice, but he did not finish his food. I think he don't really like it thou. But Bear, 2 weeks with those food and nothing else. So bear with it will ya? The lunch din last more den a hour and he was being called to fall in. The annoucer says: " pls bid your son farewell as they are falling in already." I did not cry, i gave him my best smile and kiss him goodbye. The kiss that is suppose to last for 2 weeks. And after 2 weeks, i make sure i'll give him more kisses den ever!
It's 8pm in the night. I actually fell asleep the moment i reach home. Removing the things he pass me this morning from the adidas paperbag. There it is, his sweater with abit of his smell on it. His handphone, psp and many more. Anyway, i quickly charge my fone so that i can talk to him later when he called. 8.15pm, he called! He is actually 1 and a 1/2 hour early from the time he is suppose to call. He sounded tired but i'm happy for him because he tells me that he has made 5 new friends. Isn't it great? But there's one sad news which is that he might be transfer to another bunk due to some new arrangement. According to him, he's the first in the list in the current bunk, a leader and also the one nearest to the door. HAAHAHHAHA poor bear, he gets the shit all the time.
Goodnight Mr Bear, tml will be a better day. Will hear from you same time again tml. Love you =)
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9:58 PM
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Thursday, October 01, 2009 :]
Hey u.. doesn't mean u are always joining our group which u can take it for granted that u r in the group. i compromise of the other 2 besties, not becuz of u. Yes, u can be sweet n nice but sometime there are things that i really cannot tolerate. So! if we are going out, doen't mean it's obligated for us to ask u along too! Pls get it right! ARGH!
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5:36 PM
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~ Juliana aka Wenzi aka liwen aka Lanelle
~ To Slim Down
~ My Family
Bubblejoy ShiJie
